The Customer’s Always Right? These Stories Beg to Differ

Egg-splosive Reactions

I worked at McDonald’s around a rich area in Toronto, where I was the manager. This man comes to me and orders Egg McMuffin. He receives his orders, takes out the sandwich from the bag, unwraps it and goes, “I KNEW IT!”. I asked, “What’s wrong, sir?” He’s told me how every time he goes to McDonald’s he gets a “round” egg and everywhere else the eggs are normally shaped. I told him we use a special grill for eggs to fit in our sandwiches. He never believed me. After 15 mins of yelling how McDonald’s is out killing people with their fake eggs and He’s a lawyer and will threaten a lawsuit. I invited him to the kitchen and showed him the grill. He said, “Oh”

Customer Who Wanted it All

I used to work in a cinema, I was serving and some dude asked me for nachos. I asked if he wanted cheese or salsa with them and he said “steak”. I thought he was kidding so I laughed and repeated my question and he said “steak” again. I explained we didn’t sell steak and nachos, or steak at all for that matter. He got into a massive huff about how this was “unbelievable” and all he wanted was some steak for his nachos and that I was being a total b*tch. I told him there was a steak house next door and maybe he was confused or something. He asked to see my manager and had a good rant at him about how appalling it was that we didn’t sell steak and how he didn’t want to see the film if he couldn’t have one.

reddituser

A Spinach Dip Conspiracy

Well, I was a waitress/bartender and a group came in. They were really friendly and they knew the manager. They asked me for some suggestions and one woman asked how the spinach dip was. I told her it was one of my favorite appetizers (truthfully!). She asked if it was enough for a meal by itself. I said, “Well, it just comes in a small cup, so I don’t think it would be enough for a meal.” I see one of the men get up from the table and come back a few minutes later.

5 minutes later another waitress brings me a cup of spinach dip. I asked what it was for and she has no idea. I radio my manager and she yells back into the radio for all to hear “it’s for my group of friends who you told the spinach dip was no good and that they couldn’t order it! Next time, let people order what they want or you’re fired!”

The guy had told her that they asked to order it and I told them no. What a d*ck.

The One Who Cried Beef

I had a customer order a cheeseburger he ate it and then came back for a second order of Chili.

When he got the chilli he complained that there was beef in it and that he couldn’t eat beef because he was deathly allergic and would die instantly if he ate any. I of course asked if he wanted me to call an ambulance. He asked why? and I said because you ate a cheeseburger…

He then turned to beat red at his own stupidity and said.. no and just left in shame I guess.

Julietehcutie

The Milk Mishap

I worked stock in a grocery store & I had a lady who brought back a half gallon of milk saying it was spoiled. She asked me in a loud voice so everyone could hear “What are you going to do about it?” I looked at it & replied “Nothing. Take it back to the store you bought it from & have them replace it” She insists she bought it from the store we were in & she is getting louder. Finally, after she dug her hole deep enough. (Mind you I was bagging groceries through this entire conversation) I told her she had a different store brand package han what our store brand was. Mad & embarrassed she finally left.

The Mysterious Croissant Customer

I had one customer who was definitely right, and no one saw it coming. I ran a bakery in Florida, near a very large Air Force base. Every day, this man would come into the bakery, buy a croissant and complain about the price, quality, and whatever he could. It was as if he lived to complain.

And that struck me as odd. After so many years in retail, I got pretty good at eyeballing the customer. This guy was young, good-looking, kind of Mediterranean, well-dressed, and clean-shaven. He’s not the type to b*tch like a bitter old man. But he did.

On Monday morning he comes in, just as bitter as always. “How can you sell these for so much? They are not worth a dollar.”

“Dude, you’re the only one who complains. I thought you loved our chocolate croissant.”

“I f*cking hate it,” he said. Then he smiled. “But after today, I don’t have to eat these f*cking things.” He takes his croissant and leaves. I didn’t really know what to make of this, and I didn’t expect to see him again.

But the next day, Tuesday, there he was, earlier than usual. And he was happy. Not just smiling, but genuinely happy. He bought his usual and said, “Today is going to be a great day. You will always remember today.” He then happily sauntered out of our bakery. An hour later, on Tuesday, September 11, 2001, the sh*t goes down.

I never saw the guy again. I called the local FBI, who briefly interviewed me, and said the guy was probably monitoring and recording activity at the local air base.

The customer was right. I never forgot that day.

Silent Service

While working the registers at America’s number one organic foods retailer, a friend and I were working, him on the register and me bagging. This also happens to be in a city with an equal proportion of very cool, and very b*tchy people.

So a woman comes up and this is what happens. For brevities sake, we’ll call my friend and me: A (register) and B (bagger)

A: Hey, how are you today?

Customer: Listen. I don’t want you to say a single thing to me during this. I don’t want to talk to you.

A and B look at each other. shrug. the order continues as any other…until payment

as the woman struggles with the credit card machine

Customer: how does this work? your machine is broken. how do I do this?

A and B make complete and total eye contact with the woman and say nothing

Customer to Cashier: Can you help me with this? I can’t figure this out.

A gives the coldest stare you’ve ever seen. crosses arms

Customer looking at B: Can you…

cold stare. The customer realizes what she’s done.

Customer: The moment of silence while she takes several minutes to work the machine. customer leaves.

Next customer: Well done guys

reddituser

Happened during peak on a weekend morning. We were slammed. I ended up having to solo drive for a bit. I’m good at multitasking so it wasn’t too bad. Until we got to HIM.

He pulls up and when I ask for his order he asks for espresso. Assuming he wanted just espresso I ask him for details about it. The regular “iced or hot”, “any milk or flavor” “In what sized cup?”. The guy describes a grande iced mocha perfectly. 2 shots of espresso, mocha sauce and cold milk to the top of the cup. Even asked for the whipped cream. While he was answering, I could tell he didn’t have too much idea about what he was ordering. I describe how our mochas are made and ask him if he just wanted that. He says yeah.

Fast forward a couple of cars, we’re not doing badly on time, and when the guy comes up I have it ready for him. He pays, and I had him his drink. While my arm is hanging out the window with his drink he says: “that’s not right”.

Okay, no problem, happy to remake it. I ask him what we needed to fix. He has no clue. I ask him what is wrong with the drink. “I don’t really know, but I know it’s not right.” I try to pry information from this man like I’m a detective, and he’s my only lead. I’m not getting anything back. Meanwhile, I’m hopping in and out to take orders from the cars still rolling in. In frustration, I ask the barista to make a double shot of espresso over ice with a normal amount of milk and mocha flavoring in a grande cup. Figured maybe it wasn’t an iced mocha he wanted, and I was mistaken. We have our shifts in the bar so it’s going wicked fast. I get his new drink and go to hand it out again. He looks over at it and “that’s not right either”. With how frantic I was and how much time we were spending on this order, I gave up and called a shift over to deal with him. The shift goes through the whole shebang that I did, even making him another drink. (That drink was wrong too). Finally, after involving another shift, we find out it’s not the mocha he wants, it’s a white mocha. How we found out? He finally informed us the drink he wants is a different color. 15 minutes. 15 minutes coulda have been avoided if you had just said the color was wrong in the beginning. Part of me feels bad cause the dude was clueless. He was nice enough for the interaction. But knowing I’m going to have to hand out drinks for free because he couldn’t specify what was wrong with the drink drove me mad.

Customer Loses It

I worked in both the service and retail industries for about 12 years and I’ve seen a lot of craziness. One of the places I worked for was a video rental business and you needed either your membership card or your driver’s license. Of course, I’ve had countless people forget their membership cards and their wallets, then pull the “you know me, I’m here all the time”. Then I say, “It’s company policy” and they either change their minds or ask me to hold the movies so they can get their card/picture ID.

But this one time, this guy lost his ever-loving mind when I told him I couldn’t use his last name because 1. I didn’t know him. 2. He had a very common last name. 3. It’s against company policy to release a product without identity verification. At that, he threw the videos at my face. I told him to leave the store and on his way out he threw the display items, that were within his reach, all over the place. He just goes through the turnstile to the exit door and his passing shot to me was “your a fat f*cking b*tch!”. To which I replied, with a big smile on my face, “Thank you, Sir! That’s the best compliment I’ve received all day!”

Yeah… he was not happy, but this was one incident of many that make me truly believe that everyone should be required to do a 2-year stint, minimum, in the customer service industry and not as management.

Finger-Pointin’ Rude!

When I worked for Popeye’s there was a promo once for boneless chicken. It was always spicy, and you got a breast, thigh, fries, and a biscuit for like $4.99 or something. The issue was because there is red spices in the marinade, it colored the chicken a red color even after it was cooked.

A man came in like half an hour after coming through the drive-through claiming his chicken was raw. He opened the box, which had half a piece in it and nothing else. I explain to him that the red color is from the spices, and the manager denies him a refund because he ate almost all his food and because he didn’t have a receipt. He leaves, and about ten minutes later his wife comes in cussing up a storm brandishing the same box from earlier because we didn’t refund her husband. The manager and I tell her what we told the guy earlier and then she proceeds to throw the box across the counter at another cashier who was turned around making an order.

Working there and at Walmart solidified my hate for people.

When Coffee is Too Coffee

I work at a Canadian coffee place. Probably that one you’re thinking about. One time I had a woman order a cappuccino. So I rang her through and give her a cappuccino. She comes back to the counter to tell me it tastes too much like coffee. Wat. After about 3 minutes of arguing that that’s what a cappuccino is, I figured out that what she wanted was a “French vanilla cappuccino” which most people just call a French vanilla.

The Final Straw

Just quit my last job because of this. I worked at Panera. A lady and her husband come in asking me for a gift certificate. I say, “Okay, I have gift cards right here is that okay?” And the lady says, “seriously, what’s the difference?” And scoffs at me. At this point, I already knew this was going to be super fun. I rang her up for a $50 gift card but did the transaction incorrectly because I was flustered. However, my manager was standing right by me the whole time and asked them to swipe again so we could ring it up the right way as it hadn’t gone through. Cue the couple freaking out about how it had gone through and that we were lying to them. My manager swiped the gift card to prove it had a balance of $0.00. They didn’t believe it. Then they start going off about me and saying, “you need to have a talk with her. She has horrible customer service, she was rude to us from the beginning. She argued with us about the gift card not being a gift certificate. We never should have come here. Give us your general manager’s phone number.” Then looked at me and said, “sorry, didn’t mean to make you feel bad.” And I go, “it’s okay…” And ran off to the bathroom. That was my last shift. F*ck that.

Thick or Thin?

I once worked in an ice cream shop. A father came in with his young son and asked for a vanilla milkshake. Easy enough, I put the stuff in the blender and wait, then pour it into a cup and hand it to the kid. They leave, then come back a few minutes later. The father complains that the milkshake is “too thick” and condescendingly asks if it’s my first day. I apologize even though I don’t understand why he thinks milkshakes should be thin, and offer to make them a new one.

He gives a long-suffering sigh and says “No, we’ll just have a scoop of vanilla ice cream.”

…..because that solves the “Thick” problem?

Fury on a Friendly Cashier

I work at Trader Joe’s. This one lady came through my line one day. I say hi, and she mutters a hello. “How are you doing today?” “good.” “Any plans for the weekend?” “Why are you asking? You don’t even care. This is ridiculous. Every time I come in this d*mn store, YOU GUYS ALWAYS ASK HOW I AM. YOU DON’T GIVE A SH*T. YOU’RE JUST DOING IT BECAUSE YOUR MANAGERS TELL YOU TO.”

At this point, I’m like, aww this b*tch is insane. I look across my register to one of my managers, who’s facing me. I kind of eye him a “dude, help me out” kind of look. He shrugs, smiles, and goes back to helping his customer.

At this point, I’m dumbfounded by this woman who is still b*tching at me. I look around, at other customers, who are wide-eyed and can’t believe this is for real. I’m halfway smiling/laughing because I can’t believe this person is so offended that I was making conversation with her.

I snap back into it after a few seconds, to hear her close with “blah blah blah, you guys are so fake.” I tell her “okay”, look down, and continue scanning/bagging her stuff. No apology, because I wasn’t sorry. Super awkward silence for a good 10 seconds. Then I hear a customer in the line behind her say “Well I’m having a great day, Evan! Thanks for asking” and gives me a big smile. The lady next to her then said “me too! Thanks for being so nice here.”

The b*tches face at this point was PRICELESS. You could tell she wanted to burst with the rage of one thousand suns, but nay, held it in. She was absolutely livid that other strangers were ganging up on her. I finish bagging her stuff, push her cart to her, and ignore her.

She then goes to the pit (for those of that shop TJ’s, it’s that boxed-off area where the managers sit around and drink Starbucks) and she makes a complaint about me and the store in general. I talk to the assistant manager (who she talked to) afterwards, he can hardly believe that just happened, gave me a high five, and told me to pray for her.

To this day, she comes in every Saturday. IF YOU HATE THE STORE SO MUCH, WHY DO YOU COME EVERY SINGLE WEEK?

That day I learned there are some really sh*tty people in this world – very sad individuals. I also learned that, although not common, there are some totally bad*ss strangers to be found. Thank you ladies who stuck up for me!

Not For Two Hours, Lady

The one that comes to mind is this woman who made me photograph her baby for two hours. The baby was not smiling. I am GREAT at making kids smile, but it just wasn’t going to happen. The average sitting at the portrait studio is 30-45 minutes. But no joke, I looked at the clock, and this woman made me take pictures of her baby for two hours. She kept insisting that she was going to buy a lot of pictures. At one point she turned to me and said, “It’s ok though, you’re paid by the hour, right?” (YES BUT I ALSO GET PAID COMMISSION). After two hours, she used a coupon for a free photo, I tried to push her – she ended up buying $20. Meanwhile, my coworkers had done several $100+ sales in that time. Gah.

We also sold pre-paid packages, which were really cheap but had limitations. SO MANY DEBATES over the rules of the packages. I quit retail/customer service in May and could not be happier.

Hot and Spicy Drama

A guy orders “Hot and Spicy Onion Rings” with a subheading of “Onion rings coated in a hot chilli batter”. These were one of the favourites at the restaurant I used to manage, the same recipe was used for as long as I remember the place existed.

I notice one of his toddlers gasping for air, so instinctively I run over with a glass of water, hand it to him and check on the kid. I ask him what’s up and the boy says “burns!! hot!!”. The young lad’s about 3 or 4…

I clear up any debris on the table from the ordeal and walk back to the bar to check on staff, closely followed by his father.

The father claims he’s going to seek legal action because I served the onion rings to the table and didn’t make him aware that they had chilli in. He stated that every other time he’d been to the restaurant they never served them with chilli and the last time he visited, he said, was 1 month ago. It was my responsibility to make sure he knew they were hot, apparently.

F*ck that — I pointed out that the item on the menu contained the word hot, spicy and chilli more than once and that it was his responsibility to ensure the food that HE fed to his kids was suitable, not mine.

He blushed after seeing the menu information and blushed even more when I showed him the printed on a date on the back of the menu. Nearly a year prior to the incident.

Needless to say, I enjoyed every second of knowing I, the manager, was 100% right.

itsbri

A Bow Tie Rebel

When I was 17 I worked at Walgreens and the dress code stated that men had to wear a collared shirt and tie. So me being a smart a** I used to wear a polka dot shirt with a black bow tie once a week. The old ladies loved it and commented on how it’s a shame nobody wears bow ties anymore. One day a grumpy middle-aged lady came in and was infuriated that her prescription was not ready yet and proceeded to yell at me at tell me how stupid my tie and shirt were and my mother should be beaten for letting me leave the house like that. I told her it’s not nice to bring someone’s mom into this. The store manager heard the lady yelling and came over, this is when the lady started telling the manager it’s “unprofessional” for me to wear a polka dot shirt and bow tie. Sadly I was told not to wear them anymore to appease the customer.

The Onion Revolution

I work at Panera Bread and this summer we just got a “re-imagining” of an old salad. So this lady walks in and orders the salad. I make the salad, call out her name and wait for her to come to pick up her order. She comes picks it up and asks, “What the heck is this?” I told her it was our new salad. She states that she doesn’t want this and she wants the old salad. I get that, it’s fine whatever. I make her the old salad, I give it to her, and she sits down. Now, she gets back up and goes straight to my general manager and b*tches about how the salad has too many onions. My general manager apologizes and offers to make her another one, but no this wasn’t good enough for her and wants her money back. She storms out and I get b*tched at by my general manager about how I put too much onion in the salad.

zerocool90

The Price of Cleanliness

Had a customer ask for a discount because I touched the shoes as I put them back in their shoebox. Because I was wearing a Manger-Trainee tag, she kept insisting that my Manger would do it–in that condescending tone, you only get when you think you’re helping someone not be an idiot.

She then demanded I hand scrub the shoes with our cleaning liquid so they were clean for her kid–insisting that my Manager would do that.

F*ck me–I did it. I hate that job some days.

reddituser

A Drive-Thru Odyssey

At the drive-thru.

“I want a grande iced vanilla latte”

“Sure thing! Anything else for you to-“

“No, I do not want a caffé latte, I want an iced vanilla latte”

“Yes ma’am, a grande iced vanilla latte. Anyth-“

“No, it shows a caffé latte, I just want a regular latte”

“Yes. A grande iced vanilla latte. Anything else?”

“No! I just want an iced vanilla latte, not a caffé latte ugh”

Hotter Than Hot

I worked at a chicken wing restaurant where we had 9 flavors, including Cajun. Now, I used to assume that most people know that Cajun is a spicy flavor, but apparently, not everyone does. Still, the menu description definitely says that it is hot and spicy.

One morning I came into work and there was a message on our answering machine from right after we’d closed the night before. A woman ordered a ten-piece of Cajun wings. Apparently, they were so spicy that after taking a single bite of a wing, she got heartburn so bad that she had to stop and get a hotel room with her boyfriend. She wanted us to refund her purchase, pay for her hotel room and the meal she had to buy for her hungry boyfriend, and then give her a bunch of additional free food.

I called the number she left and her mother answered. When I explained the issue, she told me not to worry about it. I didn’t.

Good Intentions Go Awry

I worked in a photo lab and we were required to do spec enlargements on a certain percentage of orders. The customer could buy them or turn them down.

This one customer came in to get the film developed. She mentioned that she owned a restaurant and there was a few pictures of her grandbaby in a cauldron and if there was a good one, she was going to have it enlarged to put up in her restaurant. Perfect spec opportunity!

So, I found the obviously best one, even cropped it to get some crap out of the background, and put it with her order. Her husband came to pick up. I mentioned our earlier conversation and told him he didn’t have to get the enlargement. I even offered to save it if he wanted to send her in later to make the decision. He decided to buy it.

Later, I get a call reaming my a** about that stupid enlargement. How dare I take it upon myself to go through her pictures and make that enlargement. I explained it was company policy to do that anyway and pointed out our conversation. Could not make her happy with any explanation so I told her when my manager would be there.

She came in when he was there and reamed me out to him. He also explained it was our company policy to do spec enlargements.

She goes, “It’s like if I took a dress to a seamstress and asked to have it let out and they took it in instead. This is not good customer service when you don’t give the customer what they order!”

I said, “But you got what you ordered (the prints from your roll of film). It’s more like if you went to a seamstress, she did the dress exactly how you wanted, plus she had a necklace that would go with the dress perfectly and offered for you to buy the necklace when you came to pick the dress up. Your husband didn’t have to buy the enlargement, but that was his choice. I’m sorry he’s not allowed to make choices like that, but it’s not my fault.”

She wasn’t happy about that either, obviously. We offered to refund the enlargement (as we had all along) but no, she wanted to keep it.

The Cherry On Top

I was working at Godiva a few years ago and we sold these drinks there called “Chocolixers”. Well, one day a couple came in, around 50-60 years old, and wanted a drink. I made small talk, joked around, being friendly, with them while I had them pay and started to prepare the drinks.

Towards the end, I realized we ran out of whipped cream and I asked if that was okay. I had expected a, “Yeah, sure!” but no, he looked completely shocked, and started going on about how the whipped cream was ESSENTIAL and won’t have it without whipped cream. Completely unsure as to what to do, I went to my manager who agreed to make a refund.

The customer then flips out when asked for information and clearly made some b*llsh*t name/address up. My manager calmly explained to the customer that we needed his name and address in order for us to refund the $4 back. Outraged, the customer grabs the paper and throws it in my manager’s face and storms out the door. Before he left, he shook his fist and said “Corporate will be hearing about this tomorrow.”

It was whipped cream, dude. Calm down.

Smells Like Trouble

I worked at Bath and Body Works for many many years. Fragrances tend to come and go, some stick around forever like cucumber melon and sweet pea but most eventually go so new ones can come in. This upsets a lot of customers because they get used to a certain scent they enjoy, most people when told their fragrance has been discontinued are like oh wow that sucks, I suggest one that may be similar and they move on.

One time this lady came in looking for a scent we no longer carried. I told her this, and she just looked at me with this sort of sociopathic stare and said ” I know you have some in the back” I very kindly explained to her that, we do not have any, our semi-annual sale in which we do sometimes have some older fragrances has ended and what you see is what we have. She didn’t believe me. I went back to “look” to humor her but our backroom is the size of a closet and I was well aware we did not have this.

She threw an absolute fit, accusing me of lying, insisting the scent was not discontinued, and somehow she got the idea I was just “too f*cking lazy” to climb the ladder because it was probably on the top shelf. She blamed me personally that we didn’t have it, and basically told me she knew about my conspiracy to hide sh*t in the backroom. She was completely nuts.

Late Night Special

I’m a cook at this mom-and-pop grill in a small town that closes at 9 on Monday-Thursdays. Every Wednesday we have this couple that shows up at 8:50 (and sometimes later) and repeatedly orders something weird or makes us alter their meals. Every single Wednesday never fails. For those who don’t know or don’t care showing up ten minutes to close really pisses the cooks off seeing as how we have most of the stuff cleaned and broken down as it takes a while to clean the kitchen and we’re tired and want to go home. Well, the most recent f*ckery they pulled was they ordered an appetizer of our black bean nachos, which has the beans already mixed with beef. They decided they didn’t want the beans and proceeded to have our waitress ring back the nachos but with 2 ground up hamburgers, and patty instead. After the server brought it to them they claimed it tasted like Taco Bell nachos (which doesn’t sound that bad to me) and made her take it back and bring them the regular black bean nachos instead. It’s well past closing time at this point and I inform the server that we tossed the old nacho meat and didn’t have any left. They got pretty pissed, refused to pay for the drinks they already finished, and stormed out. Haven’t seen them in 3 weeks.

Change is Hard to Come By

As a grocery store cashier, I had an old man giving me his money not giving me enough (he was like eighty cents short). I politely told him that he still owed me eighty cents, but he looked at me, and in a weak voice, told me to keep the change.

Once again, I reminded him he was short. “Keep the change!” His voice grew more and more frustrated. “But sir…” “Keep the change!” He began to slowly trudge out of the store.

I just paid the rest of the eighty cents myself.

Etab

Refund Roulette

A woman came into my store and asked if her computer had finished being worked on. We’d barely had the computer for 24 hours and told her it was still being worked on. She immediately flipped out when we told her it would be done that day. Looking at her work order it said that we would call the next day once the computer had been diagnosed. We were on track to have the computer fixed by the next morning, but she demanded we give her the computer back and refund her for the repair. I oblige and ask if she has her receipt. She gives me a stern, “No.” So I ask if she has her claim check. To which I get another stern “No!” So I ask if she has a driver’s license. She replies, “I don’t drive!” At the end of my rope, I say, “Do you have any form of identification on you?” Her reply was, “Why are you making this so difficult?” Knowing all heck is about to break loose I as calmly as possible state, “I can’t give you a computer without some kind of ID.” She totally flies off the handle and starts screaming for a manager and tells me to go away. I get our manager and an employee who was working at her time of check-in. He vouches for her, so my manager starts the refund process. Of course, she wrote a check for $250, way over the $150 cash return limit. The manager explains that we have to mail her a check. Now the woman is threatening to call the police saying that we’re trying to steal from her. As a total exception, General Manager comes out and breaks the sale into 3 returns that can each be returned as cash. Obviously, this takes a little while to break apart the transactions and get enough cash into the register. So of course she starts yelling at the GM for taking his “sweet time.” And it gets better. We had several visiting GM’s walking through at the time. She grabs another GM from a different store and starts screaming at him. He’s a total deer in headlights and has no idea what’s going on. Finally my GM snaps and in a half-yelling voice tells her to get out of the store. Obviously, she’s gravely offended by this, scoffs at my GM, and walks out after silently collecting her computer and cash. Totally unnecessary! The customer is not always right! People need to be reasonable in all aspects of life.

Plastic Bag Panic

I’m a produce guy at a grocery store. There are literally 15 rolls of plastic bags in the department. I got yelled at by an elder customer (mid 70’s)because we were empty in one spot. When he asked me to fill the empty roll bags so he could shop I had to explain to him that the supply shipment was late. The customer being a total a**h*le stomped his feet like a 5-year-old and screamed at me… “I JUST NEED YOU TO DO YOUR JOB!” My response was, you can get yourself a bag from over here or if you really want a bag and there’s a roll here and here and here and here and there and here and there. He literally went to the store manager to complain about the plastic roll bag being empty where he wanted to shop, so I took a full roll off of another display and put it where the empty spot was. Let’s just say history repeated itself.

The All Shoe Lady

Back when I was a shoe store manager, I was working alone one day about a month before Christmas.

I’d like you to note my store had the name ‘Moc’ for Moccasin in it.

This woman came in saying her granddaughter was a size 6. What did I have in a size 6 moccasin?

“About 50 different styles, each in multiple colours and beading patterns”, I said. “It amounts to probably about 120 pairs I could potentially have in my back room. Any particular colour? With beads, or without? With a rubber or plastic sole so she could wear them outside, or a leather sole for indoors? Suede or smooth leather? Deerskin, cowhide, moose hide? With rabbit fur, or not? Sheepskin lining, or unlined?”

“Oh, just bring out every size 6 you have.”

“But ma’am”, I said, “I have about 120 possible pairs. I am also helping several other customers at the moment. Can you please help narrow down the selection?”

“No. Bring out every pair of 6’s you have.”

At this point, even the other customers are looking incredulous or sniggering.

F*ck it, I thought. There was no way I’d leave the storefront empty while I climbed ladders and pulled every godd*mn size six in stock. I was the boss, I was alone. I said unless she would narrow down her preferences, I couldn’t help. She freaked out at me, but I just shrugged and went on helping the reasonable people.

She called the next day, asking to speak to the manager. I replied “Oh! You’re the All the Shoe lady. That was me yesterday, and I am the manager. Have a nice day.” And I hung up.

Nothing ever came of it, and to this day we all remember the All the Shoe lady.

“Can You Try This On?”

A woman walks into the store, loudly talking using an obviously fake Hispanic accent. She immediately finds 3 outfits she likes, then makes eye contact with me and tells whoever she’s talking to she’ll call them later. The following conversation went like this…

Me: Can I help you find anything?

Lady: It’s my cousin’s birthday and I’m surprising her with a 3-day trip to Salem. I’m buying her some outfits for the trip.

Me: Oh well how nice of you! I wish I had a cousin as great as you.

Lady: Thing is, she’s not my size and I have no idea if any of this is going to fit her.

Me: We have a 60-day return policy and all our items come in sizes xxs-4xl. If it doesn’t fit you can return it as long as the tags are intact and you have a receipt.

Lady: abruptly walks away to speak to my manager in a hushed tone. She cuts off my manager as she’s talking and walks away, leaving my manager looking pissed off and confused

Lady: I need you to try these on for me. You’re the same size as my cousin and I can see how they fit before she gets them

My manager had to step in to tell her that my job is to man the register, not model for customers. And she actually had the deep-fried audacity to be offended that I was not there to help her in that way.

Money Back Madness

When I used to work the Customer Service counter at a grocery I got screamed at for refusing to give a guy his money back on some bad bread we sold him. Dude didn’t have his receipt, the bread, or even the packaging the bread was sold in.

Just walked up and said, “I want my money back.”

“Sure, you got a receipt or the packaging?”

“No, and I shouldn’t have to!”

“How can I return it, or know how much to give you if you don’t have a receipt or the packaging?”

“Are you some sort of  IDIOT?!!?!?!?! GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY, RIGHT NOW!”

“MANAGER! MANAGER!” x10 times until the manager came up. I was promptly told to give the dude three bucks. When I pointed out that I can’t even open the till until a transaction was made, the manager just deep sighed, walked around the counter and used his key to open the till.

The angry customer then yelled, “SEE? WAS THAT SO F*CKING HARD?” as he stormed out.

“Fruit Salad” Drink

I bartended all through college at this bayside bar in Ocean City, MD.

Every Tuesday, we had a “Senior Deck Party,” where we’d set up a free buffet with all the mushy foods you can think of. The seniors would come through, grab a couple of happy hour drinks, gorge on potato salad, and head out.

There was this one lady named Rose that would come, take up 2 seats at the bar (one for her and one for her purse) and sit there all day, demanding the following:

A ginger ale in a highball glass with 2 orange slices, one lime slice, a lemon slice, 3 cherries, and 2 straws.

She never touched the fruit, it was only a status thing, and I was supposed to fill up her ginger ale every time it got to half a glass to restore carbonation.

Any bartender will tell you, fruit is a precious commodity. This routine caused me extreme mental anguish.

I should also add, SHE NEVER TIPPED.

No Salad for You

I waitressed at a pizza place by myself during the day on the weekends. Usually, on Sundays, we would get busy and on this particular Sunday, I had a few large tables and a couple of small tables by myself. It was to the point where I was running to place orders and every time I went back to the kitchen I had at least 4-5 things I had to do (place orders for table A, table E, G, and B need refills, table H’s order just came out, etc.)

So I’m literally running to place an order and grab things when this table pulls me aside. It was two elderly couples and they had already made things complicated when their friends came in and joined them so I had to place another order and they had a lot of requests. So they stop me on my way to the kitchen and one woman asked me to place an order for a salad. Her friend got one so now she wanted one. Except she didn’t want the “dark green stuff.” She literally asked for salad but without half the salad because of its color. I told her the salads came pre-packaged as a mix. She said, “Well you can just pick it out for me then.”

Sorry picking the bits out of your salad that you don’t want, isn’t my job. Especially when I’m waitressing 5 other tables.